Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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