Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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