She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
