; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
