I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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