he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize