you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
