Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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