...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
