It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
