You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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