I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
