11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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