i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
