So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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