Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
