We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You are a genius and a whore.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
