Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
