I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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