She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
