Me. At least after what I've been through.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
