Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Boobs are out for the taking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
