If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
