yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
