If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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