lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
