I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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