remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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