i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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