Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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