I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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