when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
