how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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