how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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