did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
