JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
