my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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