It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
