I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
