Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
