I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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