none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
