He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
