I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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