After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
