i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
