Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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