I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
