i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
