So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
