Tell her she can't have a vagina
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
