i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
