I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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