when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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