Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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