I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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