I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
