I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
