someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
