she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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