i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
