remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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