you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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