five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
