Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
