My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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