The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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