tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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