The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
