oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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