i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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