Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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